Females Not to Mess With
by Girls Can Play Trumpet Too
Summary: He just stares at me in shock for a second before he speaks.  "Hello to you too, Lils. It's a fine day for a...cranberry sauce dumping. On my head. In the Great Hall. Just a perfectly brilliant day..." James said faintly. That was actually kind of fun...
1. Flaming Temper

**Written for the "Haha! So not funny..." challenge from bookworm199612.**

**This is my first fanfic on this account, so I'm excited- please review!**

"Your hair's on fire, Evans." James walked up to Lily in the near-empty hallway and gave her a pleasant smile.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Never heard that one before," she said flatly.

"From me," he finished for her. "It's a wonder it hasn't-"

"Burnt my neck and back? Yeah, I've heard that too. What is it now?" asked Lily impatiently.

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. So..happy birthday."

Caught by surprise at his kindness, she stiffened. "...Thanks," she said after a moment.

James reached out and tucked a strand of her bright hair behind her ear.

"You're very welcome," he replied, equally politely.

Frozen, Lily managed to step back a pace.

"Well, I should be going now, Potter. I will see you...later."

"Yep," he said casually, turning as she did and walking away. "See you..." he called over his shoulder.

That was when he spun around silently, starting to stalk her.

"...Right now!" he finished loudly, leaping in front of her and kissing her abruptly on the lips for one quick second.

And then he started to quickly walk away, not sure if he should have done that.

Lily whipped out her wand and whispered a spell, causing James to fall over.

"You kiss me, you kiss the floor," she commented wryly.

He stood up and brushed off his robes, trying to regain his sense of Gryffindor pride.

That failed by a long shot.

"Why'd you kiss me, Potter? You knew I'd never allow it," said Lily, "without retaliation."

"Retaliation?" he asked. "What do you mean by-"

Her hair was on fire, like, actually _on fire_.

But she didn't appear bothered at all by it, which was what made it all the stranger.

"Touch my hair again, James," she commanded him, taking his hand.

She lifted his hand until it was so close to her hair that he could feel the heat.

"So...retaliation. You sure you don't want to...not burn my hand? Because I like my hand the way it is...Nice grip?"

Lily let go of his hand and walked away, her flaming hair turning back to normal.

"How'd you...See you later, Lily!" he waved to her.

"Don't mess with me, Potter!" she called back. "Or else!"

He decided that he'd wait, at most, until tomorrow before he talked to her again.

Or looked at her.

Firey temper, he thought to himself.

Another joke she'd probably heard way too many times.

"Females," snorted James to himself quietly. "Impossible."

"I heard that!" he heard Lily yell.

"You were supposed to!" he lied.

And then he ran.


	2. Messing With Sauce

**Written for the Food Drabble challenge from desluzpul.**

So I'm not exactly the pranking type, apparently.

At least, that's what Sirius told me, and when I protested he just said, "Then prove it."

But I'm the kind of person that always has to be right, and if I'm not, something has to change.

So today I'm a pranking type of person, and it's not going so well, so far, at least.

I eye the cranberry sauce on the table irritably, wishing I had never spoken with Sirius.

But it's too late to want to turn back now, so I attempt to focus.

I close my eyes, tightly squeezing them shut, then open them in search of a target.

It's Sirius.

No, I think, I don't want to prank him, he'd expect that.

But I shift my gaze just to the right of him, and I find the perfect target.

And it's James.

I'm about to wonder, to try and think of a brilliant idea when I realize that pranking doesn't involve much over-thinking.

In fact, I should just go with the flow, and hope that whatever happens will look like Sirius did it.

So I snatch up the dish of cranberry sauce off the table and toss the spoon over my shoulder to get it out of the way.

I might have just hit someone, considering the quiet thump and grunt from behind me, at the Hufflepuff table.

I ignore it, trying desperately not to focus on anything as I reach across the table and pour the sauce over James' hair.

"Who has firey hair now, Potter?" I challenge him, grinning as droplets of red sauce drip from his hair.

He just stares at me in shock for a second before he speaks.

"Hello to you too, Lils. It's a fine day for a...cranberry sauce dumping. On my head. In the Great Hall. Just a perfectly brilliant day..."

That was actually kind of fun, I think to myself contentedly.

Maybe tomorrow will be a fine, perfectly brilliant day too.

Today, being right is especially great.


End file.
